This Sweet, Old Ride of Mine
by Shugendo Rites
Summary: In a well meaning attempt to assassinate the Chancellor of Niflheim, someone has rigged Ardyn's car up to explode. It fails miserably, as he's not in the car when it goes off... but it's certainly all very aggravating.


It had been shaping up to be a _marvelous_ day.

Waiting for Noctis and his little crew to show up in Lestallum had been a small matter. With it, the deal had been struck and a convoy formed.

Merrily making his way to the parking lot, Ardyn resisted the urge for idle chatter. It was enough to know that his plan was well on it's way. These men had no choice but to follow where he led. And this was a fact that would never cease to thrill him.

But, of course, the Astrals could never let him truly enjoy anything.

His car was not but a yard away, when the most curious rattling filled the air. Something twinged at Ardyn's senses. Be it a warning from the daemons within, or his own instinct, he couldn't say quite what. Yet, he found himself pausing in his stride.

The others paused as well. From the corner of his eye, Ardyn saw Ignis cock his head at an angle. Studying him and the car intently.

The explosion, when it came, landed them all on their respective arses.

It was deafening, an unholy scream of tearing metal that heralded the landing of schrapnel and broken glass. Black smoke poured forth into the air, followed by the panicked screams of nearby citizens.

The blow staggered Ardyn, in more ways than one. His eyebrows rose, as what must have been the first genuine shock in centuries struck him hard.

Regaining his feet, he could only stare blankly at the ensuing wreckage. Dazed, he watched as not one, but both car doors collapsed on each side. Only then did he feel the heat from the billowing flames brush his face.

"That car..." Ardyn began, with an agitated click of his teeth, "Had just had her interior replaced."

There was a brief silence, before Noctis said, "He's kidding, right?"

"And the seating was leather as well." Ardyn said, a mournful cast to his tone this time.

The four men stared at him in disbelief.

Ardyn slowly turned back to face them. He saw that the Shield had taken it upon himself to haul Noctis to the ground by the scruff of his neck. No doubt this was done in an attempt to protect him from further danger.

But, all he'd really succeeded in doing was skinning the Prince's face against the pavement. Which gave Ardyn the petty joy of seeing blood rise from the raw scrape on Noct's cheek. The Advisor knelt beside him, already tending to the wound. Whereas the gunner shakily got to his feet, knocked to the ground by the blast, rather than his companion.

Sirens and shouts resounded through the air. A crowd began to amass, far away from the flames, but not too far as to miss gawking at the chaos.

All the while, that vile black smoke rose steadily from the doomed automobile. The scent of burning rubber and gasoline choked the air, and Ardyn knew instinctively that he would never get the scent out of his clothes.

Just a little insult to the gaping injury he'd received. At least he could take comfort in knowing that his darling had _not_ gone gentle into that good night.

"Freeze!"

Five men unanimously turned to see a group of several women in blue vests heading towards them. Lestallum's local Law Enforcement, at the ready.

Ardyn sighed deeply. What a spoiled afternoon.

Four hours later, Chancellor Izunia, as he was now known, had managed to convince the authorities of several certain facts.

 _No_ , he was not responsible for the explosion.

 _No_ , he was not some Niflheim terrorist looking to cause anarchy throughout the city.

 _Yes_ , he truly was a diplomat, and had the identification to prove it.

 _Yes_ , the car was legally registered under his name. (Though the paperwork to prove this claim was now in ashes.)

And lastly: No, he certainly did _not_ require medical attention. (Strangely, this was the part they had been most insistant about. A bit odd, considering their former accusations, but Ardyn was no stranger to politcal arse-kissing. Especially since they had taken the time to verify his identity.)

With their suspicions eased, he was released. Yet, it had still taken several sinister threats from him before the remaining flock of rubbernecking passerby dispersed. Leaving the parking lot empty at last.

Well, nearly empty.

Thankfully, the Prince's little entourage had not slipped his grasp, as all cars had been prohibitted from leaving the city until further notice. Not even the Regalia had been exempt.

Charred and miserable, they stood huddled around one of the few undamaged street lights left. He could feel the Chosen King's glare, and it only grew heavier with his approach.

Considering the circumstances, he hadn't expected anything less.

He offered the group a disarming smile as he approached them. What actually resulted was a rather manic grin that had Prompto cringing in fear, and stepping back.

As Ardyn got closer, the gunner tossed Gladio his water bottle. The Shield emptied it over his forehead, partially rinsing away the caked soot. It began to drip down his face in watery black lines. He raised his hand to scrub it away, but it only clung to his skin and smeared. This caused the man to scowl even harder, giving him the appearance of a particularly brutish raccoon.

Nonetheless, it was an impressive glare, and Ardyn took the warning for what it was. He stopped in his tracks, and decided he would commence negotiations from there.

"Gentlemen, it seems there's been a rather dire change of plans."

"No shit." said Noct.

It took roughly forty minutes to even remotely convince the four men that what had taken place was not an attempt on their lives. The key term being "their lives".

Ardyn had no doubts on what had truly transpired. And _oh_... How those responsible would pay...

He blinked, attempting to focus. Now wasn't the time. He had a plot to salvage after all.

"You paused." Ignis says, as if that was the most damning evidence in existence. "Almost as if you knew beforehand what would happen."

Ardyn took the moment to appreciate the irony of (yet again) being forced to bear the brunt of blame for something that was not his fault.

Bahamut was cackling somewhere. He was sure of it.

"Believe me when I say, that car was more precious to me than life itself. I would never have sacrificed it for any cause, no matter how large." Now, _that_ was one of the few honest things he's uttered to this group.

"Talk about priorities..." Gladio muttered, still unsuccessfully attempting to scrub the soot away. Prompto helpfully gave him another procured water bottle.

"One would think that you'd be more concerned with the fact that someone just tried to assassinate you, Chancellor." Ignis spat the final word like it was an insult. In some respects, it was.

Ardyn struggled to not audibly grind his teeth. He'd so much rather that they not realize his identity until later. He'd had everything prepared so beautifully...

Ah well. Spoiled plans did fit a spoiled afternoon, he supposed.

"Dear fellow, I am well accustomed to _that_. One doesn't get into a position like mine without someone trying it at least once." Ardyn drawled, before turning to face Noctis. "Though, I'm certain this isn't the first time a scenario of this sort has happened to you."

"Oh, this was a new one for me." Noct spat, never letting up on that glare of his. (It was quite the kingly one, and well suited his lineage. Though Ardyn would never give voice to this.)

"Really? How fortunate for you." Ardyn irritably flicked a few ashes from his hat. Luckily, it hadn't been too singed. At least, not to the point where it was beyond repair.

Upon placing it on his head, he turned on Noct with renewed vigor. "You are without a guide, and I am without transportation. Let's work this out, shall we?"

"No. _Fuck_ him! We are not giving him a _fucking_ ride!" Noct snarled, his face contorting. The pale white bandage lining his face stretched with the force of his anger.

"Calm down, Noct." Ignis adjusted his glasses, the left lens visibly cracked. "If there was another option, we'd take it. For now, he's our only way to the Archaeon."

"I don't like it either, Ignis." Gladio muttered, his face now a dull gray. He threw the used water bottles into a nearby recycling unit. He had just got off a phone call with a very panicked Iris, who had seen the smoke from the Leville. Jared had wisely refused to let her come down here, a fact the Shield couldn't be more grateful for.

Ignis knew that Gladio didn't want his sister anywhere near this man. They were having enough trouble as it was, and the toll of the night was showing on them all.

"Oh, you think I do?" Ignis pinched his brow, no happier with the situation than any of them. At this rate, he would have a migraine to rival Noct's god-induced ones.

"Dudes, he's still staring." Prompto suddenly whispered.

And he was right. The Chancellor stood a small distance away, awaiting their decision. He watched them, if only to avoid staring at the remains of his precious vehicle. Or, former vehicle anyway.

It was unnerving. But, this entire night had been.

Movement caught his eye, and Ignis looked up. "Damn it all, he's coming over here."

"It's fine. I've made my decision." Noctis stormed over to the Chancellor, causing Gladio to swear and follow after him. Ignis could only groan, and pray that Noct would manage to keep his temper in check.

But, before Noct could say anything that they would all regret, Ardyn held up a hand. "Now, I know it's been a rough day for us all. But nightfall is on it's way, and I really would love to get this show back on the road, as it were. I have no doubt that you do as well." He didn't try to hide the impatience in his tone this time, and each smile he gave them was more strained than the last.

"Fine. But, I'm driving." Noctis said. His tone allowed no argument, and Ignis winced.

Ardyn smirked, and gave a nod. "Why, I was just about to suggest that. Lead the way."

Pale grey ashes rested upon the Regalia's hood. Thankfully, that was the only thing marring it's glossy finish.

As stated, Noct took the driver's seat, with the Chancellor riding beside in shotgun. Ignis took the middle backseat, with Gladio and Prompto taking the respective sides.

Never was there a more profound silence, then at that moment. No could find something to say, or even had the desire. Awkward could not even begin to describe it.

Ignis supposed that was better than tossing insults or fruitless bickering. Probably.

Prompto's fists curled anxiously in his lap, and Ignis resisted the urge to give him a reassuring glance. None of them could afford to let Ardyn out of their sight. Not even for a moment.

Ignis consoled himself with the knowledge that he could easily throttle the man at this distance. It helped, a bit.

Gladio's back was rigid as a board as he closed the car door, and he said nothing. Upon noticing Ignis' stare, he wordlessly passed over his spare glasses case. Ignis gave a curt thanks, and swallowed hard as Noct stabbed the keys into the ignition.

But. instead of the smooth roar they had come to expect from the Regalia, the engine rattled, and sputtered.

It didn't start up.

Noctis went pale, and gunned it again. Nothing.

He tried again. Still nothing.

"Oh my god." said Prompto quietly. Noctis withdrew the keys, and proceeded to slam his head down upon the steering wheel. Ardyn closed his eyes, before letting out a tiny, disbelieving laugh.

Gladio looked at Ignis."You've gotta be shitting me." he said simply. Ignis could only give a despairing look in return.

A full minute passed before Ignis withdrew his phone, and dialed Cindy's number.

The Chancellor was wrong. This day would never end.


End file.
